Learning How To Love

The One Referencing Icona Pop and Simon Sarris in a single post.

Pacific North West Sunsets are just one of those things I’ll never stop photographing

Last week, the one and only

Simon Sarris

dropped a thread that has attracted nearly a million views. Notably, Simon kicked it off with less than 40 characters:

thread of some advice on finding a wife

Finding a partner is still as much a mystery as it is intriguing. Eight years of marriage and one year as a father myself, I am still a student of these endeavors. I responded to Simon’s thread with what little I knew: 

finding a wife is a lot like keeping a wife.

The English language has hollowed out the word and wisdom of love. A testament to this may be the hit Icona Pop song I Don’t Care (I love it). No further reproduction of its lyrics is required. We all know anyone who loves, cares, but what exactly does that mean?

An Academic might refer to the Greek to describe Eros, the love that so often only speaks to the eyes. The Christian might again defer to the Greek love known as Agape. This love being the reciprocal, yet charitable love, that speaks of selflessness and sacrifice.

But as my finger moved across the opening words of Paul’s second letter to Timothy, I noticed Agape had been rendered as Dilectionis. That one Latin word took minutes of meditation until I understood. Ah yes, that is the love we have not spoken of in ages.

The love of Diligence & Election.

If I attempt to think back to my childhood and recall when the attribute of Diligence was ever ascribed to me, I remember hearing from a teacher encouraging my parents: “Steven is diligent with his math”. This encouragement would transform into my profession as a computer scientist and software engineer. It was an ingredient to my success, but I know I am not alone in this: diligence today is a word to describe our love of labor and the worship of our work. 

Since my exile, I have realigned my diligent love. I am inspired by my neighbors, friends, and family members who do thoughtful things without the thought of anything in return. The neighbors who cared for my son during the days we were in need and the friends who driving by the house will stop to shovel snow. They remind me wherever I go, that true love requires diligence. I want nothing more than to be that kind of lover. Drawing on abundance and diligence in action. 

Then there is Election. This for me has always been a function of government. Election is an opportunity and duty, yet we rarely reveal our politics for what they are: a strange form of love. Politics throughout history have been widely regarded as dirty. I know I am repulsed by anyone who treats politics as a person or a god. It seems most of us know politics cannot be a person and makes for a poor deity.

Though remembering my wedding day, it was perhaps the greatest election and inauguration I have ever known. Like two immigrants at the altar we chose each other and became citizens of our new nation. Reflecting on it now I know love is meant to be experienced as the elector and the elected. This is why God calls his people The Chosen and why we refer to each other as One of our Own.  

I used to think I needed to be loved, but the truth is that I was starving to be a participant. I needed to give what I wanted to get. By abandoning my entitlements to salaries and statesmen, the rivers of my diligence and election redirected to where they belong. I am still learning how to love, but this is the kind of love I have been longing to learn. 

Until next week,

-Steven

Thank you to

Grace Sydney Smith

,

Alex Michael

,

Rick Lewis

,

Camilo Moreno-Salamanca

, &

Haley Brengartner

for walking with me in this piece from first draft to finally.

If you haven’t yet, catch up on my exile in Going Rural Changed My World. Then dive in to Community in the Country. To all my subscribers, my gratitude for each of you continues to grow. If you have yet to subscribe, use the link below.